Moving Update

How's the New Year treating you?  Its a few months in, but I'd say 2015 is turning out pretty well for us.  We had a fresh start right off the bat with a move to a new city, a new job, new schools, etc.  It could have turned out badly, but instead, it feels like a breath of fresh air.

I started my new job right before Christmas.  Which means we moved into an apartment rather quickly.  Space is tight and I've given up on keeping it clean.  I've only unpacked 4 place settings and limited other things, because I know we are moving again!  Shortly, hopefully.  We are on the hunt for our forever home.

A started a new school, and although there have been a few hiccups, she is doing well.  She's in a regular classroom!  She still goes out for speech and gets some resource help as she needs it, but for the most part she on a regular schedule with everyone else!  I'm so proud of her.  She tells us she has fun, and she's a good listener.  I am happy with her progress!

H is ready for school, he wants to go so badly.  Unfortunately, he has to wait until the Fall for Kindergarten.  Instead, he gets to explore our new town with Daddy.  He also really likes lazy mornings watching Dinosaur Train.

And I am loving my new job.  I am still doing retail pharmacy, but switched to a different corporate boss.  It was a bit of a re-learning process.  I had to learn a new computer system, a new workflow, and of course different expectations.  However, the key is I have support staff.  I no longer work alone.  My boss is supportive, the schedule is great, and I work less hours!  Overall, I'm under less stress.

I'm surprised how much my quality of life has improved in a few short months.  I knew I was unhappy and stressed out before, but golly, I can't believe I waited so long to make a change!  I'd say I was depressed and emotionally taxed out.  Not only do I feel more satisfied in my work, but I'm enjoying more quality time with my family, especially my husband.  Life is good!

I am thankful

This is the time of year we are more mindful of giving thanks and I am no exception.  We didn't do a traditional Thanksgiving dinner this year, as our house was on the market and I didn't want an unnecessary mess to clean up in a rush.  To Medieval Times we went!  The kiddos had a blast and I didn't have a mess.

That turned out to be an amazing decision, as we had showings every day that week, with two on Wednesday.  Wednesday night, we heard an offer was imminent.  Friday it came and Saturday we were under contract!  I am acting surprised, but I shouldn't be.  My husband and I asked God to sell it for us.  I have a job offer, but I couldn't accept and move without selling the house.  We decided to pray it in.  We asked God to have the house under contract by the end of the month.  We asked for a specific dollar amount.  We thanked God for answering us.  He is good.  The house sold in 10 days and the buyers want to close on the 29th of December, so we have lots of work to do!

So tomorrow, I discuss with my future employer the timeline of my start date.  It might be tricky with the holidays coming up.  I'll have to consider school letting out, giving my current job notice, moving four hours away, setting up a new apartment, oh and Christmas!

Next on my prayer list: job negotiations, new living arrangements, finances to fall in order, firm closing date without hiccups.  And of course, giving thanks for the goodness of God!

Changes

Some months feel fly by swiftly and drag at the same time.  This is one of those seasons.  A few weeks ago I took my MPJE for NC.  I was a nervous wreck, its been five years since I studied for my SC MPJE and I was afraid I forgot how.  I had loads of odd questions and felt like I failed, but 4 days later I found out I passed with flying colors!  I started the process 5 months ago and it will be a relief to have it completed. Tomorrow, I travel to Chapel Hill for my license and I'll officially be able to work in NC (read: find a job in NC and expand my search criteria).

Meanwhile, I've been had interviews and (another offer!) that came faster than I expected.  Too fast, I suppose, as I'm not in a place to accept them just yet.  We decided to list the house and sell before moving to avoid the two-mortgage/rent-per-month hassle.  Its the wise thing to do, but I'm so done with current work drama/issues its terribly difficult to be an adult and suck it up.  I don't want to talk about it on the Internet, especially while I'm still employed.  Maybe a juicy post will come later.  All I want is to complain, whine and storm out, but I'm trying to think of my family and the long-term solution.  The last few weeks we've tackled painting, yard work, de-cluttering, and packing up unnecessary things to ready the house for showings. Tomorrow, the house goes on the market.

And of course, my kiddos continue to grow and blossom.  My baby boy turned FIVE.  My daughter is talking up a storm and doing well in school.  My husband keeps me grounded and nurtures our family.  We have positive events despite the storms we are weathering.

The few years have been rough, but there is a change coming.  I pray it will be a good one for myself my family, and my career.  Please pray with us that our house will sell quickly.  Please pray a job opens up in a location that is best for my family.  Please pray I don't lose my mind before either one of those come to fruition.

Still on the Hunt

Nine months ago, I posted about looking for a new job.  I've been frustrated in my current situation and finally worked up the guts to do something about it.  Its been an emotional ride.

When I graduated, six years ago, I didn't have to look for a job.  I didn't even interview.  I was offered a position with my current employer.  I was happy with my work, my co-workers were happy.  Heck, I knew people that had worked in the same field for 30 years and still loved it.  I figured I would do the same.  Well, things changed.

I didn't know where to start.  Many factors have changed on the job front, and my once in-demand career is even starting to level out.  I sent out resumes and tried to discreetly ask around.  A local hospital finally called and I had several interviews that led up to a job offer.  Finally!

Unfortunately, I had to decline the offer. There wasn't room for negotiation.  I couldn't forgo health benefits for my family or take a drastic pay cut.  While I am so ready for a change I can almost taste it, I have to be responsible and think of my family.  Durn grown up stuff.  I so desperately wanted to throw in the towel.

Fortunately, I am able to reduce my hours at my current job.  Oddly enough, my salary is still higher than the job offer, plus I retain all my benefits.  While its not my first choice, it will help for the time being.  Now, I'm working on a new plan.

• Pay off student loans.  I despise these suckers.  If we didn't have them, I could take a drastic pay cut.  Nevertheless, I have a renewed passion to kick 'em to the curb.
• Finish getting my NC license.  It will make me more marketable and I won't be locked in to my current locale.  End of story.
• Rethink what I want.  I need this job to work for me and my family as much as I need to work for it.
• Pray!  I chose this career to glorify God.  He desires for me to use it for Him and provide for my family.  He will guide me to my next step.

How was your day?

So as you may have gathered my daughter has a speech delay.  Her IEP also says she has a developmental delay.  Coming to terms with it has been one of the most challenging and painful parts of motherhood.  There aren't answers for the "why" or "how" questions concerning its origins, and we will probably never know.  My hubby and I each feel a great deal of blame, even though we realize there's probably nothing we could have done differently to prevent it.  We tell ourselves it's not going to do any good to dwell on the past, only to think of the future.  Overall, our daughter is a healthy and happy girl, so what's the big deal?

I'll tell you what's the deal.  My baby didn't answer questions.  Ok, so maybe she did, but her answer was always "NO."  But that's not all.  She also didn't ask questions.  As a former nanny and baby-sitter, I was waiting for the moment for my child to enter into the "why" phase.  I recall my former charges repeatedly asking me "why" every two seconds.  It drove me nuts.  But now,  I'm earnestly waiting for my own daughter to ask.

Speaking to my child seemed fruitless.  She often didn't respond, and if she did, it was negatively.  If I asked what she wanted for dinner, her response was always "No",  even if I knew she was hungry.  She didn't know how to respond.  This in turn made it difficult to discipline.  Because of her lack of communication, I didn't know if she truly understood my directions.  Perhaps she really didn't understand I told her to pick up her clothes or not to throw her toys.  Or maybe she was just defiant.  I couldn't tell.

For the the last four months, she has been in a child development program at our local elementary school.  She receives speech therapy twice per week.  We didn't know what to expect, so we waited and watched.

A few nights ago, I went in to kiss my Princess "Goodnight" after I got off work.  It was one of my 12 hour days, so I really hadn't seen the kids at all.  A was still awake as she often is.  I gave her a kiss, or maybe a dozen.  I told her I loved her and asked about school.  You know, normal stuff.  She paused and didn't say much.  She looked at me and searched my face.

"Mommy.....did.   Mommy, did you have fun at work?  She finally gets it all out.

I about cry.  Actually, no, I did not have fun at work  I hate it, remember?  It was a long day, I still feel sick and I can't remember how many times I got yelled at.  But I couldn't tell her that.  I was too happy in this moment that she asked me a question!  "Yes, Baby, Mommy had a great day at work, but I missed you.  I'm glad to be home and kiss you goodnight..."

Today, as I was leaving for work, A arrives home from school.  She and her brother excitedly ask to ride bikes.  They wait in the garage (with daddy) while I get in my car.

"Mommy has to go to work" says A.  "Bye, Mommy!  Have fun at work!" she waves.  Her brother parrots the same "Have fun at work, Mommy!"

Finally, conversation!  Initiated by my own daughter!  I know its small, but its a start.  I'm so proud,  my heart is bursting for this girl.  We'll get through this curveball yet

Birthday Girl

Another year has gone by and my daughter finally decided she didn't want to grow up! Yay!  No kidding.  As I tucked her in bed I asked if she was excited for her birthday and turning six, and she replied with "No, five".  I held up six and fingers and she pushed the sixth finger down!  Finally!  My little girl will stay little forever!

While she isn't thrilled about being six, she did enjoy her party.  This is the first birthday party we hosted with classmates.  A is finally putting enough words together to respond to questions, so we were actually were able to have her input on what she wanted for her party.  Her choice was to go swimming....at the beach.  haha, Little One.  While we are in the South, it still isn't warm enough for swimming in early March.  Although I have no doubt A would try if given the chance.  Instead, we settled on an afternoon at Chik-fil-A.  Three classmates plus a few siblings joined us for playtime and chicken nuggets, plus ice cream and cupcakes.  They donned striped party hats and ate off Angry Birds plates.  Apple juice and lemonade were the beverages of choice.  And we can't forget about the jumping and dancing with Mrs Cow.  The meltdowns were minimal and the joy was palpable.

A is the oldest of her classmates, and all had speech and language difficulties.  Nevertheless, it was apparent the kiddos were happy to see each other and share this experience.  They communicated with each other the best they could and they got it.  They accepted each other where they were at.  It was an amazing lesson to watch.  I'd say we had a good day.

Stages

So there must be a seven step process with coming to terms with job hunting.  Kinda like the same process one goes through when quitting smoking or dealing with grief.

I've been through the fear-of-starting stage and I overcame that.  I made a choice to really start looking and create a resume.  I spoke to family/friends and wore everyone out.  But actually make the choice was exhilarating, liberating.  I got an emotional rush.

I think I had a sub stage or something about possibly moving. I couldn't find any good leads for a local position so I had to come up with another plan. Got hubby on board, spoke to the family, and actually drove around to possible locations to scout them out. It was fun to dream.

Suddenly, moving seemed terrifying.  Its a lot of work; plus trying to time starting a new job, selling a house, and kids school schedules seems impossible.  I spoke to a contact about a local job that might work, but it turns out she quit that facility.  And she wouldn't recommend me going in to it, it was that bad.  So while I appreciate her candor, it was disappointing.  She told stories of colleagues that can't find jobs or are spending months and also have to move.  So then I became depressed.  I don't really want to go through the stress or expense of moving, but I might really have to.  Plus, the job market is difficult and I'm in a part of the country where I still don't have a lot of contacts.  So while I have been throwing myself a pity party I've come to terms that the actual timeline of events might be messy.

So, I am also facing the choice again, how bad is it for me to really change jobs?  I really want to do something different.  I need a change.  This whole process is teaching me patience on a new level.  I can't go buy a new job, or new work environment.  I can't ask someone to buy my house and it be done the next day. This part of life is definitely a dance, and I'm unfamiliar with my partner.

Ok, that's three stages, right?  I wonder how many more before the end?  Anyone else know which stage is next?

Resolution? Goals? Self Help Promises?

I don't really like New Year Resolutions.  To me, they conjure up images of empty promises and failure. I'm not sure why I feel that way, I've sensed it since I was a child. Therefore, I never really make resolutions as I don't want to set myself up for failure.

I believe I need to remedy this ideology.  Setting goals and ways of attaining them is part of my identity.  I love to make lists and check off tasks.  I enjoy the sense of accomplishment.  It only makes sense that I should identify specific goals (nothing lofty) with a plan in place to achieve them.  Writing them down is my first step, along with publishing them.  Even if no one reads this, there is that possibility, and thus the motivation factor of someone else knowing besides me.  Does that sound like I'm trying to blackmail myself? Anyway...onto the meat.

Financial:  Pay off the credit card.  Ok, so this is a goal revisited.  We have been working on paying off the debt for a few years now.  We've come a long way, but the last few months we've been carrying a credit card balance again.  I'd like to have this done in 6 months.  We will focus on our cash budget system again ( it really helps! especially with saving!)  Once the credit card is done, we will focus on the car payment.  Then only two more hefty student loans.  I feel that we will never have my student loans done!

Blogging:  I aim to blog twice per month.  Instead of online shopping maybe I can write a few posts.  The more often I write, the more the words seem to flow.  The more time between posts and my daily life seems insignificant, destroying my desire to write.

Personal:  Take more pictures, and not just on my iPhone.  We have a nice camera, however, it rarely got used last year.  Since we always had our iPhones, we rarely found the time to dig out the bulky camera.  However, when it came time to make our yearbook, I didn't have enough high quality pictures.  I'd also like to learn more about the settings on our camera, so I'm more confident in my ability.  Plus, it would be nice to have well-lit, in-focus images the majority of the time.

Personal:  Increase my physical activity.  Do something outside three times per week.  Ideally, I'd like to get the kids involved, but I think I will start with myself first.  We have a dog that is always up for a walk, I can ride my bike, or I can escape to walk alone.

House: Paint the entryway.  Hire someone to paint the high stuff.  Participate in the Cure at Apartment Therapy and set more goals for the house based on that experience.

Work:  I'm not sure about this one.  Either I need another job, or I need to come to terms with the one I have. I had a trial period of working less hours last fall and that will become permanent at the end of January.  I've always wanted to work less and I'm fortunate to have this opportunity.  I really hope it brightens my outlook for my current situation.  However, I am really unhappy with my job and there aren't really any better prospects close by.  Moving would be a drastic option and a hard sell to my family.  This is an area I need to intensely pray about.

Spiritual:  Find a church home for the family.  Seriously.

Hmmm, I suppose that's a good start?  Perhaps I should set a reminder on my calendar to check in on these in a month or so and see how its going?  I feel I run the risk of forgetting once I hit post...

Clock with Wings

Tomorrow morning we take my daughter to meet her teacher.  Her kindergarten teacher.  I'm feeling a bit nostalgic tonight as I think about what that's going to mean for the family.  As I type the word, "family" I'm struck by how foreign of a concept that still feels to me.  I suppose I have been using that term for the last five years in a possessive sense instead of a collective one, nevertheless it still sounds and feels foreign.  Am I really far enough in life to have my own family?  Obviously, I am.  And one of the family members is starting kindergarten in a few weeks.

She is ecstatic, and I am thrilled that she is.  I hope the enthusiasm continues.  She's been asking to go all summer; and instead we learned about "Summer vacation" and how "Fall is after Summer.  She was worried, because she didn't want to get hurt, so we had to explain Fall as a season and not a result of tripping.  Parenting is a funny thing.  You find yourself explaining things you haven't questioned in a million years.

Our school supplies are mostly purchased, school uniform hanging in the closet, and there is a stack of forms waiting for the adults to fill out.  My Princess was beaming as she went to bed, fully aware of the big event in the morning.  Its Tuition Day at St Michael's, and the Kindergartners get to see the classroom, meet the Teacher, and hopefully meet a few friends before the first day.  The parents get to write checks, turn in forms, and in my case, pry the child out of the classroom with a promise she will return in two weeks.  I suppose I will blink again and the school year will be over? Is that how this will continue to work?

Soul Detox

Its been a little while coming, but I've been needing a soul detox.  My job isn't the most jolly of places, my kiddos are/have been in a screaming phase, we've moved across the country leaving behind our church, friends, the only sense of normalcy I've known, and the closest Chipotle is three hours away.  Yes, I know these are third world problems, but they hurt me just the same.  I'm very thankful for my house, family, and we have plenty to eat.  But I still feel something's missing.

I noticed at the smallthingsblog.com she joined the #SheReadsTruth community, so of course I clicked the link to see what it was all about.  I browsed around before I found the study they were reading from.  Turns out, its from YouVersion and there is an app, but I don't have a fancy phone.  So I signed up directly from the YouVersion website and browsed the reading plans.  The Soul Detox plan is what the SheReadsTruth community is doing, and it speaks to me as well, so I jumped right in.

I decided to start from the beginning, so I read my first one last night.  I'm getting excited for a change.  I feel toxic inside and its spreading to other aspects of my life.  I don't want to be remembered as bitter or negative at work, by my kids, or my hubby. I need to change something, and digging into to the Bible is great place to start.

Feel free to join me, a little encouragement never hurt anyone.

Fixing Stupid

Have you ever done something stupid?  Over ten years ago (I think) I opened up a store credit card.  A Gap card.  I loved the Gap.  And I thought it was a great way to save money on clothes.  Buy now, pay later.  Earn reward points to use on future purchases.  The catch?  In order to redeem the points you must use your Gap card.  It was a vicious cycle.  For the most part, I was responsible and paid of the balance every month.  However, at some point I decided I didn't NEED to pay it off every month.  I'll just pay half now, and the rest next month.  I bet you know how the story goes.  In no time, I had a balance I wasn't proud of.  I stopped spending on the card close to two years ago, yet it wasn't until the last six months that I got serious about paying it off.  This month, I made the last payment.  It feels amazing.  AMAZING.  I paid it off ahead of schedule.  One stupid mistake now corrected.  Please don't make the same mistake I did.

Now, I have two cars and three student loans left.  The hefty balances.  My payment calculator estimates I'll be done in 2019 and that feels forever away.  I'm sticking with my stressful job in hopes of making a big dent in our debt.  My dream is to be able to work part-time (or at least 32 hours per week) once my student loans are paid off.  Its good to have dreams, they help motivate you.

twenty twelve

I have a ton of goals.  If I think about them too much, I get overwhelmed.  Sometimes, goals are frustrating because you can't always do much about them right away.  I suppose those are technically called "long term goals".  Last year, I was able to mark off some long term goals (moving!) so its time to re-evaluate and make more.  Tis the season, right?

get out of debt.  Specifically, pay off credit card and a private student loan.  Its embarrassing to admit I carry a credit card balance.  However, I've already made the baby step of not using it and not carrying it with me.  We paid off two (small) student loans and a credit card last year, so its time to step it up to the larger balances.  I'm excited to see how fast it can be knocked out know that I can almost triple the minimum payment.

buy a house.   Ok, so this has been a long term goal for sometime now.  Hopefully, we can actually make it happen this summer.  Once our taxes are completed and we have a better idea of our down payment, its off to the bank to get pre-approved, then house hunting!

manage budget.   More precisely, track personal and food spending better.  I've discovered my online banking service has budgeting tools and more pie charts then I know what to do with.  The past few months I've learned our "personal" and "food" budgets can vary widely and really make or break staying on track with our money plans.  I'd like to come up with a more realistic expectation for the budget and an improved plan for staying on track.

improve balance between work and home.  Is this on everyone's list?  So this is probably the goal of a lifetime, but seriously, I have some work do be done here.  I want to leave work on time two days out of the week, but obviously I need to have my act together at work.  Its all about prioritizing and time management.

have more quality family time.  Another no brainer, I know.  Dates with my kiddos, dates with my hubby, and turning off the computer while the kids are awake are how I planning on making this one come true.  (anyone have any ideas for inexpensive kiddo dates?  let me know in the comments)

really find a church.  enough said.  well, maybe except we need to attend said church and get involved.  seriously, we need friends.


make time for personal fitness.  walks on the beach are easy when its 80 degrees and sunny.  not so much when its 45, windy, and the sun sets at 5pm.  I should probably invest in a windbreaker and work on leaving my job while its still daylight.  Or push this one to the back burner until spring.

See how I get overwhelmed with goals?  I didn't even really include my long term ones.  Or the ones like "buy a pair of Frye boots".  Maybe next year.

Money Money Money

Hubby and I spent a few hours one afternoon this past week working on a budget program.  We've sat down before to hash out a budget (one of the most intimidating things I've done) and have always scribbled it out.  I am a pen and paper kind of girl.  I like to see it.  However, that hasn't been working for us lately.  For starters, I spilled coffee grounds on my notebook.  Secondly, our living situation has changed since we made last budget (hello, cross-country move).  Finally, I was feeling like a failure with the whole thing.  I like to be able to review and read the budget frequently, and that wasn't happening.  Our life had some drastic changes, and we needed to re-visit where our money is going.  After the last few months of loosely watching our finances, we decided to take a closer look. 

I've read a few of Dave Ramsey's books and really like his outlook on money.  Reading The Total Money Makeover  opened my eyes.  It showed me how I could make a plan and take control of our finances.  It gave me some tools and assisted in making a budget and sticking to it less intimidating. Plus, it helps that I know several people that have used it to get out of debt successfully.  And I need all the encouragement I can get.  Eight years of college loans  (thank you expensive professional degree) plus hubby's four (or was it five?) years add up quickly...and that's just the beginning.

Recently, I have heard about YNAB.com.  (You Need A Budget)  A family member told me about it, plus I've seen the name mentioned in other web articles.  It has great reviews.  In short, its personal budget software you can download and tweak it to fir your needs.  We decided to download the free trial (7 days worth) and give it a go.  I feel like I need to move beyond pen and paper.  I am putting on my big girl panties, so to speak.  I'll give you an update once I have used it enough to form an opinion.  I sincerely hope it works for us.  We used many of Dave Ramsey's principles and his tool Gazelle Budget Lite to help us visualize the pieces of the pie.


Do any of you use budget software?  Any tricks that you swear by?  I like the cash/envelope system, but find it difficult to juggle.  It seems hubby has the envelopes and I'm the one at the grocery store, or we don't make it to the bank and use the debit card for three days.  They we aren't sure how much money to withdrawal.  I know these are just excuses, but its the truth!  I can't seem to find a good balance.  Let me know what works for you!

I Know You

Some days are easier then others.  Some days are more difficult.  The difficult days stick around in my head longer.  They can poison the sweet days if you let them.  I am choosing not to let them.

The Lord says, "I have called you by name, you are mine."  Isaiah 43:1

The Lord knows my name.  I am HIS.  It is an amazing feeling to belong to something greater, to be loved by someone greater.  And there is more.

"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow you.  When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned.  Nor shall the flame scorch you." 
Isaiah 43:2

I have been overwhelmed.  I feel like I am drowning.  I don't know what events in my life are the most important, what requires the majority of my focus, what is a priority.  As a result, I am flailing about, my energy is wasted, nothing of importance is accomplished.  I am not going to be poisoned.  I am a the LORDS.  He will not overwhelm me.  He knows my limits.  With my faith in Him, I will not drown.  The God of the universe knows my name, and He claims me as His own.  I find great encouragement in that fact.  I pray with each struggle I face, I will remember this scripture and it will help carry me through.

Thankful

As much as I have complained about my life the last few weeks, I really am very grateful for the opportunities I've been blessed with.  Yes, my job is hectic and stressful.  My daughter doesn't want to sleep in her own bed.  My children are whining incessantly.  I am quicker to anger than usual.  My house is a disaster most days.  My husband wants a convertible AND a motorcycle.  However, the air I breathe is sweeter.  My house is full of natural sunlight.  I live two blocks from breathtaking views.  I can walk to the grocery store,  doughnut shop, coffee shop, numerous restaurants, and the beach.  I recently discovered how to cold brew coffee and make the most delicious iced coffee known to man and woman.  I have lots of shopping opportunities within minutes.  My parents and in-laws are within four hours drive.  I am thankful for these things, and pleased to be able to give my kids these experiences.  The best things in life aren't simply handed to you, you must work for them.  I don't learn by watching, I learn by doing.
So, today I am thankful for iced coffee, walks on the beach at sunset with my family, and the promise I can do it all again tomorrow.  What are you thankful for?

Yay for weekends!

I finished my first nine days in SC with the new job!  I survived and didn't quit and move back to KS!  That isn't to say that I didn't think about it!  The last week seemed like the longest one in my life.  I am sincerely glad it is over and do not want a repeat.  Reflecting back, it really wasn't that bad.  However, that's not to say it was a walk in the park, either.
It began with me starting work a day earlier than I planned.  Let's just say I have a hard time saying "No" to people in need.  I did negotiate an eight hour shift instead of 12.  I should get extra credit for that.  Plus, I saved a vacation day to spend with any future visitor this year.  Lucky me walked in at 12:45 to find the computers weren't working, and had not been since the store opened.  Yippee.  Finally, between 3 and 4pm the computers came up, and we had a whole day's work to make up.  In the middle of the dinner rush, Hubby calls and states he somehow locked himself out of the house.  No car keys, no wallet, barefoot, and both kiddos in the house asleep.  He made it to a neighbor's house to borrow their phone to call me at work.  Unfortunately, I cannot leave and don't get off until 9pm.  I tell him I will try to figure something out.  My mind freaks out.  I hold back tears, wait a few minutes, then ask my technician if she will take my house key and drive to my house to give it Hubby.  She agrees.  Our house is 20 minutes or more away.  She is gone over an hour, but at least my hubby makes it back in before the kiddos wake up.  Not my ideal first day.
The weekend I spend at the slowest store in the district.  I am the only employee in the pharmacy and I do less than 50 rxs each day.  I have busy moments, but 9 hours is torture to spend alone.  At least 95% of the customers were friendly and thankful for my help.
Day five began 10 hours at the busiest store the in the area, in a town 30 minutes away.  The store does about the same volume as my former store in KS, but they are 24 hours.  I expected it to be easier since some of the work should have been done over night.  Wrong thinking.  Mondays are typically the busiest day anyway, but this place isn't as efficient as it could be.  Plus, these people don't believe in taking breaks, apparently.  I should have feigned a smoke break.  On the up side, I met the district operations trainer, and she seemed really nice and helpful.  Tuesday and Wednesday were spent in the busy store.  Tuesday, I found myself missing KS and 3772 a bunch.  I missed my co-workers and friendly banter.  I'm still the newbie and no one really trusts my opinion yet.  I know it will take time to build that trust relationship, but it still hurts not to be taken seriously.
Thursday I worked three hours in the slow store.  Yup, three whole hours.  It wasn't too bad, I had a tech to talk to for two hours of it.  Friday was back to the busy store.  The store manager and operations trainer complimented my on work ethic and attitude.  I was surprised they had looked at my numbers, but pleased they noticed and took the time to tell me.  It was a rough week, but I had some positive notes, too.
This weekend we took the kiddos to the beach.  Finally.  I have been waiting for almost two weeks.  Do you know what's even more amazing then walking two blocks to the beach?  Walking to Starbucks for an iced white chocolate mocha ON THE WAY to the beach.  Yes, there is a Starbucks three blocks from my house, one block from the beach.  I'm in heaven.  We had a blast at the beach.  I tagged along after Handsome.  We dug in the sand and waded in the ocean.  Hubby and Princess jumped in the waves.  Both kids cried when we left.  Princess asked to go to the beach this afternoon and make sand castles.  I'm so happy my kids can grow up here.
Tomorrow, we are going to try a new church.  I'm excited to go and meet some new people.  Its important for our family to make new relationships, especially if Hubby gets locked out again.

Learning Curve

This week has been an emotional week and it's only Wednesday. At least it's halfway over. Last week I had been placed in a store, or rather, two stores, but it was a fixed schedule. I stressed out about finding housing in the middle of touristy, commercial MB. I prayed, I cried, and Friday night I found the perfect place. I thought it too good to be true, so I slept on it. Saturday morning I showed the craigslist ad to hubby. He was enamored as well and urged me to call. So I did. The agent spoke with the owner, who apparently is a bit picky about who he rents to. We passed the first test, so the agent agreed to email more pics. If we like the place enough, we can apply and place a deposit on it to hold it until June! We were over the moon. I hate waiting. Well, Monday night, I get an email from the new distict stating the previous position is no longer available. That employee decided not to leave. Bummer. They anticipate an opening in another store. It's 30 minutes away from the amazing rental house. Double bummer. I was really hoping for a short, easy commute. Hearts crushed. Lots of prayers ensued, heck, we are still praying. Currently, we still feel this rental is the best opportunity for our family. I drive the same distance to work here. The location is awesome, two blocks from the beach, walking distance to restaurants, grocery,etc. The interior is recently renovated, it's beautiful. We are continuing to pray and trust God that is the place for our family. It's pretty amazing what can happen when you let go and honestly have faith that God will provide. I feel like this is a break through for me; even if we don't end up living in this house. I'll try to post pictures once we know for sure if this is our next home.

A Prayer is Answered

This week we got some exciting news.  A positioned has opened up for me in SC!  I will be splitting my time between two stores and working every other weekend.  My start date has moved up to June 17th!!!!  I am thrilled to have a permanent schedule.  The stores I will be working at are only open 9-7 and are in a high tourist area.  That means they are not high volume, but the focus is on customer service.  Working 10 hour days will be a change for me, and every other weekend instead of every third.  However, I think it will be a nice change of pace.  I am in a high volume store now and it will seem like a vacation to be in a slower store(s).  I might get bored after a bit, but I will worry about it when I get to that point.  I get a three day weekend every other weekend and every Thursday off!  I'm pretty excited.  One thing I am a bit nervous about is working by myself.  I work with lots of fun people now, so I'm not sure how I will handle working mostly by myself.  I know the LORD knows what I need and will help me with whatever challenge I may face.  Our prayer has been answered concerning my job transfer! 

PS:  I already looked ahead and I am off my hubby's b-day weekend, Labor Day weekend, and Christmas weekend!  Yay!

Big Fat F

Some days, I just feel like a failure.  I rolled over and let(made) hubby get up with the kids.  Barely kept up with the messes the kids made, let alone extra laundry, dishes, or (gasp) clean the bathroom.  Had a short temper with the kiddos, hubby, whoever talks to me, and didn't make dinner.  Fed my babies fried fast food (which they actually ate all of).  Some days, I really don't like myself.  I know we all have them, but I usually prefer to keep them to myself.  You know, I'm selfish, I don't want to share my dirty secrets.  I feel Dark.  Dirty.  Un-lovely.


Somehow, there is someone who can look past my muddiness.  Someone who looks me the the eyes and thinks I'm beautiful.  Someone who loves me.


Often, I forget.  I wallow in self-pity.  I try to cover up.  Lately, I've been praying about this.  Sometimes I can't stand myself.  Song of Solomon tells a story of a common girl being courted by a king.  While this story can be interpreted in many ways, I believe the Lord is using it to illustrate how He loves me.  In chapter 1, verse 5, she says she is dark, yet lovely.  She makes a comparison: dark, like the tents of Kedar; lovely, like the curtains of Solomon.  The whole book goes on about their love story.  She begins as an immature girl, and grows to become a mature bride.  I am an immature girl.  I stumble every day.  I am dark.  However, my Lord loves me.  He sees in me what I am to become.  He thinks I am lovely.


One day at a time.  One step.  I know I don't have it figured out, but I do know I'm going to keep walking with Him.  Do you feel dark?  Are you hiding?  He can forgive.  He thinks you are lovely.