Some days, I just feel like a failure. I rolled over and let(made) hubby get up with the kids. Barely kept up with the messes the kids made, let alone extra laundry, dishes, or (gasp) clean the bathroom. Had a short temper with the kiddos, hubby, whoever talks to me, and didn't make dinner. Fed my babies fried fast food (which they actually ate all of). Some days, I really don't like myself. I know we all have them, but I usually prefer to keep them to myself. You know, I'm selfish, I don't want to share my dirty secrets. I feel Dark. Dirty. Un-lovely.
Somehow, there is someone who can look past my muddiness. Someone who looks me the the eyes and thinks I'm beautiful. Someone who loves me.
Often, I forget. I wallow in self-pity. I try to cover up. Lately, I've been praying about this. Sometimes I can't stand myself. Song of Solomon tells a story of a common girl being courted by a king. While this story can be interpreted in many ways, I believe the Lord is using it to illustrate how He loves me. In chapter 1, verse 5, she says she is dark, yet lovely. She makes a comparison: dark, like the tents of Kedar; lovely, like the curtains of Solomon. The whole book goes on about their love story. She begins as an immature girl, and grows to become a mature bride. I am an immature girl. I stumble every day. I am dark. However, my Lord loves me. He sees in me what I am to become. He thinks I am lovely.
One day at a time. One step. I know I don't have it figured out, but I do know I'm going to keep walking with Him. Do you feel dark? Are you hiding? He can forgive. He thinks you are lovely.