Big Fat F

Some days, I just feel like a failure.  I rolled over and let(made) hubby get up with the kids.  Barely kept up with the messes the kids made, let alone extra laundry, dishes, or (gasp) clean the bathroom.  Had a short temper with the kiddos, hubby, whoever talks to me, and didn't make dinner.  Fed my babies fried fast food (which they actually ate all of).  Some days, I really don't like myself.  I know we all have them, but I usually prefer to keep them to myself.  You know, I'm selfish, I don't want to share my dirty secrets.  I feel Dark.  Dirty.  Un-lovely.


Somehow, there is someone who can look past my muddiness.  Someone who looks me the the eyes and thinks I'm beautiful.  Someone who loves me.


Often, I forget.  I wallow in self-pity.  I try to cover up.  Lately, I've been praying about this.  Sometimes I can't stand myself.  Song of Solomon tells a story of a common girl being courted by a king.  While this story can be interpreted in many ways, I believe the Lord is using it to illustrate how He loves me.  In chapter 1, verse 5, she says she is dark, yet lovely.  She makes a comparison: dark, like the tents of Kedar; lovely, like the curtains of Solomon.  The whole book goes on about their love story.  She begins as an immature girl, and grows to become a mature bride.  I am an immature girl.  I stumble every day.  I am dark.  However, my Lord loves me.  He sees in me what I am to become.  He thinks I am lovely.


One day at a time.  One step.  I know I don't have it figured out, but I do know I'm going to keep walking with Him.  Do you feel dark?  Are you hiding?  He can forgive.  He thinks you are lovely.